In just a couple of weeks, I will be celebrating my 40th birthday.

To commemorate this milestone, I've decided to do something bold and adventurous — skydiving. Yes, I'll jump out of a plane to welcome this new decade with a thrill. But beyond the excitement, this birthday also offers me the chance to reflect on the journey that brought me here.

What I Know at 40 That I Didn't Know at 20

At 20, I thought I knew a great deal. I had confidence that bordered on arrogance, certainty that bordered on rigidity, and a plan for my life that bore almost no resemblance to the life I actually ended up living.

At 40, I know less — and I am more at peace with that than I expected to be.

I know that the things I was most certain about were often the things that needed to change. I know that the detours were not detours at all, but the actual path. I know that the people who showed up in the hard seasons were the ones worth keeping.

The Faith That Survived

I came to faith early and have carried it through seasons that tested it severely. Military service. Adoption. Loss. The particular kind of disillusionment that comes from watching institutions fail the people they were meant to serve.

My faith looks different at 40 than it did at 20. It is less tidy. It asks harder questions. It is less interested in the performance of belief and more interested in the practice of it.

But it is more mine. More honest. More rooted in actual experience rather than inherited assumption.

What I'm Releasing

Turning 40 feels like an invitation to release some things I've been carrying longer than necessary.

The need to have it all figured out. The belief that my worth is tied to my productivity. The habit of apologizing for taking up space. The tendency to minimize my own experience in order to make others comfortable.

These are not small things to release. But I am ready.

What I'm Embracing

I am embracing the next chapter with open hands. I don't know exactly what it holds — and I am, for the first time in a long time, genuinely okay with that.

I am embracing the work I was made to do. The writing, the research, the speaking, the teaching. The particular intersection of lived experience and academic rigor that I bring to conversations about leadership and resilience and trauma.

I am embracing the people who have chosen to be in my life and the life I have built with my sons.

I am embracing 40. And I cannot wait to see what comes next.

---

Dr. Rebekah C. Lloyd is a U.S. Army combat veteran, solo adoptive mother, doctor of strategic leadership, and author. She holds a Doctor of Strategic Leadership and a Master of Public Administration, with an undergraduate foundation in psychology.